Possibility of Getting Back with my Ex (Father of my child)

RIA
6 years ago

Ok I am going to try and make a really long story as short as I can but with enough detail to get answers. Here it goes. I was with my ex for about 3 1/2 years. We got along great, I mean don't get me wrong we had our tidbits here and there, but nothing major. We moved in together with my other children, and became a family. I got along with his side and he got along with mine. Then I got pregnant. Of course my emotions were CRAZY during and after I had the baby. We had a argument over something ridiculous, and he called his mother and she came barreling at me ready for a fight. I grabbed our newborn and left. His mother has a VERY big influence in his life and decisions. I tried and tried and tried to make amends with her but it just seemed there was no going back with her. (I apologized to her 2x even though I didn't do anything wrong but I was trying to make it ok again) and I was told my first one wasn't good enough so yet I swallowed my pride and said it again. Anyhow fast forward a little, it basically got to the point between my post partum and her putting her two cents in EVERYTHING that we fought A LOT more then we ever did. So one day I just couldn't take it anymore. I took the kids and went and stayed somewhere else. I still talked to him and had him come and see the baby who then was a little over a year, and we would talk a little and I asked him if he missed me and he said yes and if he still loved me he said yes. Four days after this I was served with an OP and family case having my child ripped from my arms in front of my other children by two police officers. I really do feel considering it took 4 days for anything to happen he had to be persuaded in some way. Anyhow after 4 months of a custody battle I got my child back and everything was settled. During and shortly after all that I was still angry with him for hurting me so badly. I couldn't believe he had done that to me. He stood right there and told me how much he loved me and missed me and then BAM that had happened. Anyhow fast forward shortly after a year of the battle being over. We talk at least up to ummm 5 times a day maybe 4. We talk about our child the most but yet we still talk about what's going on in our lives and what we are doing. Sometimes we both try n hide what we are doing when we aren't with our child but I know nothing is going on. He has not dated nor talked to anyone since all of this has happened. I have tried, but I always come to the same conclusion it is just not him! I haven't "been" with anyone just talking but still feel it's not right. Also during drop-offs our child never wants the other parent to leave the other's house whether its mine or his. Also another thing is that I am the first girl he EVER brought home as his g/f when we started dating and he was in his early 30's when that happened. I just have had a lot of time to think about this and I heard our song on my cd the other day and I usually skip over it but I listened to it and started to just ball like a BABY!!!! That's when I thought to myself oh my goodness do I still love him?? I mean I knew I had a love for him prior but I guess tried to bury it deep down inside. I know that I am not the person that he fell in love with originally but I actually feel like I am even better and wiser. Oh and also when we are seeing each other at drop offs or pickups we talk usually for anywhere to 30-40 minutes and that's on top of every other time we talk during the day. When we are talking he will only look me in the eye for just a few seconds and then look away, and do this repeatedly through out the whole time of us talking. Like I said once I broke down after hearing our song I decided to possibly try and talk to him and tell him how I feel and see if there might be a chance that he may feel the same way. My biggest fear other then a possible rejection is his mother playing to much of a role in this. I mean what if he truly did want to try and she manipulated it in a way that would make him never want to. I told him the other day I wanted to sit down and talk to him without any distractions. It hasn't happened yet, so I wanted some advice before doing so because I am concerned with how to start out this conversation with out it being awkward or pressure or anything. I don't want to jump right back into things but possibly trying to start again and nothing physical but maybe a kiss. How do I approach this? Will it even work? What do I even say to start it out so that he doesn't clam up on me and want to leave?

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